My Stride

          What a great feeling it is to be whole again. I have surrounded myself with a small group of great friends that have my best interest at heart. My girls are happy... Kobi is now in college on the East Coast creating a life that she has longed to live and Kelli, a sophomore enjoys school and the perks of feeling like an only child.

It's amazing the way life pulls you. I went from having no time for myself while caring for everyone else to having a plethora of time with hardly a thing to do some days. I am more familiar with myself and I know what I like. Simple things make me happy. Now I set daily goals for myself, nothing too strenuous and it's not everyday. My list must be complete and I hold myself accountable which I like. Yesterday after work, it was... make dinner & eat, wash my hair, workout, read, write in my journal, pray, tidy up the girls room (since they are away), relax, watch football and get to bed at a decent hour.

It was enough for me. My heart was calm, I didn't feel pressured and my tasks were complete. I have learned over the last two years and I literally live by this...If it doesn't feel good in my heart or my spirit then I will not do it. No need to contemplate at all, I simply forget about it or revisit it at a later time. Life is much easier this way. Living life on my terms.

Find your tempo if you haven't already. A glide in your footsteps that God has created just for you. It becomes a peaceful stride.

Evolving... The process

    My process of evolving and growing as an individual has been life changing. I know it sounds redundant but allow me to explain. I could see and feel it as it happened every step of the way. It felt like I stepped outside of myself and I was looking myself in the eyes.

Training myself to move at a gentle pace that is soothing for my soul instead of constantly moving at light speed was a challenge for me. It's what I was accustomed to. It takes a while to undo what became my normal way of life over the past 20 years. Although I am living in the present, looking at my future, I purposely reference my past so "then and now" can be seen. I do not live in the past. As a matter of fact, typing on my blog is probably the only time it is referenced. I believe this is healthy in moving forward in life.

First, I began moving slowly, observing myself. I was told that the total time that I was married should be cut in half and that is the amount of time that it will take to heal. Another 10 years? I decided to cut that in half and then cut it in half again. Two and a half years...I'm here.

This may not work for everyone but it works for me and this is in no particular order...

1. move slowly
2. pray
3. listen to others speak... it has helped me remain consistent in choosing my surrounding circle.
4. surrounding myself with positive people and positive energy
5. laugh
6. at times, being quiet and BE STILL
7. "Lather" day & night aromatherapy balm - keeps me at ease all day
8. candles
9. turning the cell phone off - learning to enjoy being alone
10. reading meaningful literature and books
11. I taught myself that loneliness was ok instead of allowing it to consume me. Embrace it and figure out JUST WHO YOU ARE.
12. meditate
13. basketball...attend games and watch on television
14. friends...found new ones
15. the beach
16. crying tears of joy instead of holding them in... it's healthy for me
17. became MORE humble
18. became MORE compassionate
19. became MORE helpful
20. attend church
21. allowed my gratitude for life to overflow and be seen which enhanced my blessings
22. blocked and deleted some people so I am unable to call or hear from them...it works both ways
23. I stopped blaming people and took responsibility for my own actions
24. I have truly learned my self worth. THIS SHOULD BE NUMBER 1
25. watched my tone, attitude and speech when talking to my children and others
26. fasting
27. juicing
28. learned to forgive freely
29. I am still working on removing profanity from my vocabulary
30. I learned to speak up
31. became more encouraging
32. exercise
33. I reminded myself everyday that LOVE DOES EXIST

This is all that I am able to remember at the moment but nonetheless, it takes what it takes and you must go through it to get through it. Compose your own list and pay it forward. You never know in what way you are helping someone else. I realize that life is about living fully whether in or out of love.

SELF LOVE is what is important and I note this with all humility.

It Feels Good To Be Back...

    
        After being away from my blog for nearly one year to the day, I decided to get back to it! So many things have happened in a years time. When I left last, I spoke about life After My Move. Protecting my children, my appreciation for animals, life, nature. I spoke about loneliness and peace of mind... Oh it feels so good to be back, smiling as I type this.

Since my last post, a lot has happened BUT...LIFE IS STILL GOOD. I have met a few new friends which in the past I forbid myself from doing. I opened myself to more people and great opportunities for myself and my children. I began taking care of my grandfather and I also lost my grandfather on my birthday...LIFE IS STILL GOOD. My oldest daughter graduated high school and she's heading to college in the BIG APPLE...NYC. My youngest daughter made it on the cheer squad at school and she loves it! For the first time in over two years since our move, we have been able to take a vacation. Kobi visited Peru and Kelli and I visited Cabo San Lucas. We have been blessed beyond measure.

Everything good is happening. I rid myself of negative energy, thoughts, people and situations. Entertaining people that I no longer have much in common with or really people who I cannot hold  conversations with no longer have a place in my life and that's ok. I'm not insinuating that I am better than anyone, I am saying that it no longer works for my life. I must be fed mentally enabling growth. My outlook has evolved and I have grown as a woman, mother, sister, aunt and friend. On my worst day, it is still a great day and I choose that. I choose happiness, I choose to smile everyday, I choose kindness and compassion. I choose honesty. I choose to encourage others in an effort to make it a world reality. I am more humble now than I have ever been in my life.

Life Is Good!