Towards the end of our seventh year, we were planning, we were packing our things to move into another home which would come to be the only home that we all would know. We were planning on getting married and we had all of the love and support that anyone couple could ask for. Our parents and siblings were wonderful. Everyone wanted a hand in what was going on. It was beautiful. Then, twenty days after our second child was born, just sixteen days before we were due to get married, my husbands world crashed. His mother passed away. It was a horrific day. I thought we should put our wedding off until a later date but he disagreed and we continued on with our plan.
I could see a change in him and rightfully so. He became snappy and a bit more controlling. Now the girls, his grandmother and I became the nucleus of his world and he kept us all under tight reigns. His mother was his very best friend. So much to the point that she seemed more of a soulmate to him than I ever had the chance to be. I was looking forward to marrying him so that I could finally have a great relationship with her. She was an excellent mother and friend.
I will never forget several instances during this period of time. I thought that having to console him during this time would bring us together, make us stronger and allow us to lean on one another during his time of grieving but it never happened that way. His comfort was placed in other people and things began to flourish right before my eyes. I knew with all certainty that he loved me but I still wasn't first. The respect and the way that a man should uphold his wife was missing.
Still steady on our path, we now had his grandmother to check on...
Your willingness and optimism to push thru a glaring change I see similarities in myself when I was married. You want to believe things will change. You try. That's the way marriage is supposed to work. Unfortunately some things can't be changed. Not unless the other person sees the issue for themselves and is willing to change.
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