Imagine...

Imagine yourself in the prime of your life, having to repeat this cycle over and over again through the course of nine years. At this moment in time, my life wasn't my own. I couldn't even give my girls the time that they needed because SO MUCH of my time went into caring for this other human being and she was a beautiful soul. We made sure that she had every annual pass to every amusement park that we had a pass too. I bathed her everyday, lotioning her pliable skin taking care not to brush too hard as elderly skin is easy to tear.
I was her hairstylist, washing, conditioning, trimming, pressing and curling her hair every two weeks. I became her pharmacy technician, learning the different effects that the medication had on her and adjusting them accordingly. I also became her esthetician making sure that her manicure and pedicure were given regularly. I was her chef. At times as she got older and had no desire to eat, I prepared ONE thing that she would eat well and keep weight on her. I was her caregiver, her granddaughter in law and we were friends. At one point, due to deterioration of her health, she would have what the doctor called mini strokes. She had SEVERAL where she would become paralyzed at times. I would massage the affected area literally for days or how ever long it took to circulate her blood until she gained full mobility back. The doctor told us that she only had six months to live and she lived six more years!
Her doctor said I don't know what you're doing for her but whatever it is, it's working. So much to the point that she had a stroke and went into the hospital and her dementia began to take over as she was in unfamiliar territory and I asked her doctor to please release her so that she could come home to something familiar and again, he did and she bounced right back. My knowledge of taking care of the elderly I received from my mother. That was her profession for many years. My girls were extremely resilient during this time. In a way I feel awful and for many years resentful because I can only remember taking care of her during this time. I hardly recall anything other than birthday's and at times I need pictures to refresh my memory. Occasionally I would meet friends and go out as a release but it wasn't really a release because before leaving, I would have to make dinner for everyone, wait until they finished and make sure that afterwards, grandma was changed and in her pajamas and our girls were too. It was a lot of work.
Although it was work, she was witty and had a great since of humor and I think we all appreciated that. We were friends and I enjoyed listening to her stories of the past and more so learning from her. While I allowed her to keep her dignity by learning her, watching her over the years and caring for her as if she was caring for herself, she taught me how to be selfless. She taught me to be more gentle with my children. She was a grandmother and her tone taught me how to speak, I learned to listen and I became a stronger person inside although I felt my body breaking down at times from lifting her and pushing her wheelchair.
For months, we hired a family friend to help us out for four hours a day and as an outlet, I found a part time job. I could only work four days per week for four hours per day as I needed to pick up our girls from school and go home to release the caregiver and take over in caring for grandma. This didn't last too long but it definitely helped me...