As the years went on, I felt myself becoming resentful and pulling away from my husband. It was hard for me and I know it had to be hard for him as well. Being the head of your household, always having control of your family and all of a sudden you slowly feel it slipping from your grasp. as time went on we became more involved in our own lives instead of a life as one. It was a Sunday evening that we were home together still trying to function as a family through it all, when our precious grandmother was called home. God blessed us all and we were literally right there with her.
As expected, we had an outpour of love, support and affection from family, friends, extended family, church members, etc., but we still couldn't quite pull it together although we would still protect each other with every fiber of our being. The homegoing services for grandma were lovely and I was there as I should have been, picking out her clothes & accessories, nail polish, perfume, etc. Our love and commitment to her was beyond belief but for me it was my love for him that would allow me to continue to give selflessly until she was completely laid to rest.
Our life was different without her there. The void was very loud. We missed her so much. So much that I became a certified Ombudsman volunteering to monitor seven elderly care facilities, reporting elderly abuse in the Inland Empire. I felt if I could help one more person or multiple people, then my heart would be fulfilled. I eventually found a full time job and had to force myself to move on. It was a great start personally but the marriage still needed help and guidance that it didn't seem like it was going to get. We were functioning everyday separately and co parenting very well. The one lane that we ALWAYS manage to see eye to eye was and still is our children. A true blessing. We talked and talked until we were blue in the face trying to figure it out and I realized that this may have had nothing at all to do with him, but everything to do with me. After my mother was called home in June 2013, I could no longer try and try. It was a reality check to me that this life is very short and if I was lucky enough to live as long as my mother did, then I only have another nineteen years of life left and I need to move forward with whatever God had in store for me. I let my husband know exactly how I felt, we discussed our feelings and I began packing to move out of the only home that our family knew. No hate nor malicious intent involved. All love with no hard feelings from me. I had no idea how it was all going to work out but for the first time in my life, I had to step out on faith and I did just that. It was time to move my feet.
